Category Archives: Ramblings

Affirmation #2: The Internal Conflict

Advice, Affirmations, Ramblings, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

(#2 in an 11 part series of posts about change, perseverance, and being a better you. Though personal to help myself, I’m posting these here in hopes I can help others who are struggling and wanting to make a change)

**     *********

YOU! YOU THERE!

…

YOU are AWESOME!

Here’s your button! 🙂

 

That awesomeness also spreads to your companions all over the world. “Wait, what do you mean? I don’t know anyone across the ocean/continent.” That could very well be true. However, I wasn’t talking of personal relationships that you have cultivated as you’ve been alive. I meant like-minded companions; the people out there go through the same type of life that you do, with the same problems and stressors you have. Stage fright? Anxiety? Eating disorder? Self-harm? Depression? Broken families?

The list could go on and on.

It’s so much fun to write about internal turmoil in fiction, but when it creeps into your personal reality, it becomes extremely hard to bear.

Most people have at least one thing that makes them want to hide in a dark corner and shrink away from people who might help. They look around and think, “How can everyone else be smiling? They must never have this problem.” Or, “No one understands!”

Both of those statements are completely INCORRECT. I will admit to have thought like this on numerous occasions, and I’m definitely not proud. The truth is, nothing you’re going through is the only instance in the history of the world. I’m not saying that to belittle it; trust me, I know some upsetting things can be really difficult and unbearable, and are by no means easy fixes or minor issues.

Feeling upset is universal, one which has touched every being on this planet (Yes, animals included; you should see my Sammy boy when I try to take him to the V-E-T). Understandably, we can easily agree that upsetting instances make us want to cry or curl into a fetal position. THIS IS NORMAL! We all have fight or flight instincts in us, and when we can’t comprehend which one to pick, we feel conflicted, and panic.

As of right now, I’m personally in this conflicted mode, from an email this week. I’ve talked various times before about how to handle this particular instance, but won’t bother you with the details. My struggle right now is taking my own advice when all I want to do is quit.

I’ve come up with a quick little regimen to combat this feeling of isolated fear:

Close your eyes.

Take a deep breath.

Stretch your muscles.

GO DO SOMETHING!

That’s right, you heard right. Do something. Anything. Go for a walk. Ice-skate. Hang with friends, family, pets. Sing. Draw. Write. Take your mind off your problems for a little while. Any time you feel yourself getting upset again, repeat. Do this until you feel you are stable enough to tackle the problem head on. This could take hours, days, weeks, maybe even months, depending on the problem. Before delving in to confronting the problem, tell yourself this, in-between deep breaths:

I am not alone.

Others have fought and won.

This is normal.

I can do this. I can definitely do this.

I am a strong, intelligent, amazing individual… who’s about to kick some serious @$$!

Then, stretch your muscles again, take a few more deep breaths, and open your eyes.

 

And say:

“Bring it on.”

That’s all it takes.

 

Leaving you with this cover by the always-amazing Evynne Hollens. She and her husband Peter have impacted my life in more ways than anyone knows. Whenever I’m down, or doubting myself or my dreams, I listen to their music, and remember they are just like us. They have struggles of their own, and yet are able to get past it to live their dreams. Click on their names above to check them out on Youtube; they are amazing singers and awesome, caring, wonderful people.

Affirmation #1.5 (Interlude): Here for a Reason

Affirmations, Ramblings, , , , , , , , , , , ,

(NOTE: If you do not want to scroll through a post about a religious viewpoint to a common doubt, then do not continue reading. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, and definitely don’t want you guys to judge me based on the contents. If you are interested to see my view, read on. If not, don’t color my books based on my beliefs. While they are connected by me, they are separate entities, with different motivations and meanings. Your choice.)

*************

 

“Every time that you wake up breathing, Every night when you close your eyes, Every day that your heart keeps beating, There’s purpose for your life.”

Above are the lyrics to a song called “Here For a Reason” by a Christian group called Ashes Remain. In case you haven’t picked up on little details in my blog posts in the past 3 years, I’ll answer truthfully: Yes, I am religious. No, I don’t judge others based on their faith, whether it’s different, weak, or nonexistent. To be honest, I’m not super religious anymore, but I still “Keep Faith“. At one point in my life, I fought a huge struggle with my faith. Between a family member being overseas, struggling with life in high school, and trying my hardest to not bang my head in with a frying pan when writer’s block attacked, I didn’t understand why.

Sound familiar to anyone? (The tough things happening, not necessarily the faith struggling part).

If so, then you’re one of the many. There are so many people that go through so many hard things in their lives that they can’t understand the reason for it. No matter what omnipotent entity you might believe in, we’re led to believe that He has a plan, and we don’t need to know it; it’ll happen when He wants it to happen. That just doesn’t seem right, does it? What happens when we work our butts off, and feel we’ve built up so much good karma and energy, and then things still spiral downhill? Doesn’t take a lot to lose faith (in a general sense, not necessarily religious sense), and want to give up.

You might feel like this:

 

Or, like this:

 

In any case…

That’s how I’m tying together Affirmation #1 post from Tuesday and my Affirmation #2 post that will be coming out early next week. In #1, I addressed having to work towards your happiness, because only you determine what makes you happy and what it’ll take to achieve that happiness. #2 will be about tough moments of despair that we all share, and how to know “You’re Not Alone”.

This one is about pushing through the common struggles to make yourself happy, and things will turn out the way they were meant to.

Now, what do I mean by that? It’s simple. Life, fate, God, other deities, positive or negative energy… whatever you believe affects our universe – they already know how your life turns out. Now, I don’t mean you don’t have free will. Of course you do! You control your thoughts, your actions, your words. How you treat others, how you solve problems, how you work, relax, have fun. You have complete control of what you do. They’ll give you obstacles to leap over or bust through, in an effort to make you a strong individual. There’ll be sad moments that will strengthen your soul and test your heart. There’ll be joyful moments where your heart is jumping up and down, but your body is exhausted from the adrenaline or excitement as a result of said happiness.

Each moment that happens in your life shapes who you are.

 

(Here’s where I get deeper into the religious side. Continue at your own risk)

 

For me, God does have a plan. When he put me on this earth, he gave me a purpose – a reason for existing. In my opinion, that’s pretty cool to think about. Even if it’s as minor as giving a dollar to a homeless person once a week, to starting a small business that might give work to struggling single parents, in-debt college graduates, or those unemployed for months at a time (For the record, my mother was unemployed for 16 ½ months at one point, and it was a rough time. Obviously, we got through that just fine.), to a struggling writer whose stories encourage a child to pick up a book and start reading.

We don’t need to know our purpose right off the bat. When the time comes, we’ll know. If we just continue to do what we’re doing, feel what we feel, and just BE OURSELVES, we’ll be led there, whether by parent, mentor, friend, or stranger. Not all angels have wings, you know. 😉

One of the things I absolutely love about modern religion is the abundance of music. When I met one of my best friends (who I am still friends with seven years later), she introduced me to a few artists. I went on to research more on my own soon after, and came across Ashes Remain. I fell in love with their music instantly, and so did my friend when I played some for her, so much so, she bought the album a few weeks later.

The quoted song at the beginning is one of my favorites of their’s, and, if you don’t feel awkward or annoyed by the idea of Christian rock/pop music, then they are definitely a group to check out. I’ve linked this song below. To finish, I’ll leave you with another lyric from this song, continuing the chorus from the top:

“So don’t give up, Don’t lay down, Just hold on, Don’t quit now, Every breath that you take has meaning, You are, Here For a Reason.”

 

 

The Waiting Game: Take Two

Dear Diary, Ramblings, Writing, Writing Process, , , , , , , , , ,

Last time you saw the words “Waiting Game” here on my little slice of the Internet, it was to talk about waiting for news on a project and what to do to not stress. This is in the same vein, but more a story than an advice column.

Last time I attempted to publish a novel, I succeeded. It became what is titled The Protektor’s Reality, and I am so happy I finally got a published book. Waiting was the hardest part though. Not only for betas/edits, but covers, layout, the delay in instantaneously being able to throw your greatest achievement out into the throngs of people with confetti and flying money. Does matter if that waiting takes only 1 day or five months. Waiting is HARD.

For The Protektor’s Reality (hereby abbreviated “TPR”), I had a few edits I waited for over the course of five months. First one I sent out go it all back to me within a month. Luckily, she enjoyed it so much, she said she is always willing to read more. In fact, you’ll hear a bit more about her later (in relation to the reason for this post). The other edits weren’t so quick, but I eventually got them back. Waiting for those edits, even the one-monther, were absolutely nervewracking. At the time, I was still in school, so I could study and hang with friends while I waited.

That no longer applies.

Granted, I do have a full-time job now, which takes up a majority of my day. However, during down times at the office, my mind shoots back to what I am waiting on, if they’ll like it, if I’ll like what comes out of it, what that will mean for the future of my book, etc, etc, until I drive myself crazy and have to force myself to do the work that suddenly gets slammed on my plate.

I’ll lay it out, plain and simple.
Waiting.
Sucks.

We all have to do it, though. In fact, we all wait on a regular basis. For food to cook at home, or be prepared at a fast food establishment or restaurant.  For our favorite TV show to come back on after commercials. For the car in front of you to stop driving 30 in a 60 (on dry roads) and get their butt moving. For us to fall asleep at night.

Granted, a lot of these might frustrate various people. However, we writers aren’t only stressed by waiting, we are terrified. Why do you think that is?

Worry we won’t ever hear back.

Anxiety over our writing not being good enough to succeed.

Maybe fear over rejection or dislike.

Whatever our reasoning, as writers, we are terrified of waiting. Our work (or pieces related to it) seem to be in a state of unreachable limbo, and we feel so much fear it will never come out.

When I finally released TPR into the wild, a huge weight lifted off my chest. I breathed a sigh or relief, sunk into a comfy chair, let life start to go back to normal-stress levels. Soon after, though, came the big realization.

This wasn’t over.

If I wanted a future career as an author, one which I’d already started down with the launch on TPR, I would need to keep creating and publishing books.

With a wating game.

Every. Single. Time.

My stress shot through the roof. It wasn’t over. And, for us as authors and writers, it will never be over. But, that’s okay. Because, we are still doing what we love: creating stories, and sharing them with the world.

Currently? I’m in a waiting game again, and will probably be for a majority of 2016. I’ve sent off my betas, one of which being the one who read the TPR before its release. All my betas are reliable and have a considerable amount of willingness to make time to read, because they trust this will be a good read. Then, after that, I’ll make my personal edits as quick as I can, and send off to an editor. Then wait again. Once that’s back, make my final edits, send off stuff to layout and cover designers. Wait. Get all that back. Upload to self-publishing company. Wait. Receive proof on mail. Read and make sure everything turned out correctly. Hit Submit. Write another book. Send to betas.

Repeat.

It’s a neverending, vicous cycle of waiting in the author world, but, once we accept it as a part of our writing/publishing journey, it becomes easier.

What to do in that time frame?

Read this.

And, do what you do best.

Write.

 

New Years – A Reflection on Life

Advice, Career, Dear Diary, Out in the World, Ramblings, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

New Year, new start, right? At the start of every year, all of us look forward to another year where nothing is impossible. Lose that twenty pounds, get that promotion, write that book you’ve been putting off for years, or go on that cross-country trip you’ve always dreamed of. There are a bunch of people I know (me included) that had a big change in their life in 2015. Babies entered some friends’ lives. Some people married their soulmates. Others started new jobs (example, me), big moves, new houses, new cars (example, me [again]), etc, etc.

No matter what did or didn’t happen in 2015, the biggest thing you can say is: I survived 2015. Lots of people can’t say that. Death got personal for me last year, with one of my grandfathers passing away from cancer (as I’ve heard my mentor say a bunch of times, “F–k Cancer”).  He was an amazing guy, and he went out the way he would have wanted, and that’s all that matters to me.

I guarantee lots of you lost loved ones this past year. My heart goes out to all of you, as I have felt that pang a few times in my life, and each time brought me to tears for months to years. It’s hard, looking to the new year without those wonderful people in our lives. Every passing moment stabs our hearts, and it literally hurts.

Here’s a little secret though. Come closer.

…

Closer…

…

*whispers* It gets better.

Yep, it does. Does that mean it will get to a point where you will feel nothing? No, unfortunately, the human race has not developed the technology to put your memory into an unfeeling, superhuman automaton with wifi in the head and a feeling suppressor where your heart should be. Sorry, I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon. Or, ever, if we’re lucky.

Feeling sadness or depression can be seen as a bad thing, and, to be honest, it is. As someone who’s suffered depression in the past, it’s hard. You shrink away from people, trying to hide the sadness and anxiety in your heart. Wanting someone to listen but not willing to talk about it. Biting back tears when looking at your bank account, your sick sibling/parent, or even just a simple picture.

But, the fact of the matter is, YOU’RE FEELING. Being able to feel is an amazing gift. It allows you to express what you like/don’t like about a situation, and to let others know what you think about something. Feeling is just feeling; there’s no other way to describe it, really. But, it’s amazing when you think about it. It’s something we take for granted.

For instance, I’m worried about an upcoming project of mine (more news in the distant future). That alerts me to plan things out, and have a backup plan should things not turn out right. It also tells me to keep going, so I can prove to myself that I was worried about nothing.

I’m scared of change. This informs me that when change happens, I need to fight back against the fear and take every hit, because, usually, it’ll be worth it in the end.

I’m happy I have a loving family, and a caring, awesome group of close friends. Without them, I wouldn’t have gotten this far in my work career, my writing career, or life in general. Feeling that happiness makes me feel warm and fuzzy and lets me know that not everything sucks.

And I’m upset about death. However, it’s a fact of life. We all will die in the end. If you need advice on how to handle death and your impending demise, consult the Adam Ruins Everything finale. Just a warning, the end is depressing (if you couldn’t guess that already by the topic).

But that doesn’t mean that everything about death is horrible. You have to look at it a different way. Sure, the physical body of the person you love is buried in the ground, but now you have a guardian angel looking out for you. Sure, they can’t affect anything on this plane of being anymore, but the things they did do in our existence left a mark on the lives of so many other people on this Earth. They can’t verbally speak to you anymore, but they live on inside you, in your memories, in your words, in your actions. We choose to focus on their death, because it’s seems easiest to do. But, that hurts you in the end. Don’t focus on their death; focus on their LIFE. The bonds they created that even death cannot break. The changes they made in their own life that affected others in a positive way. The lives they altered, simply by existing and interacting with the world. Their childhood, their schooling, their careers, their family, their friends. At some point in our lives, we made a mark on someone else’s existence, and that’s what we should focus on.

To tell the truth, I would not be on this blog, writing this post right now, if someone in my life hadn’t died. In fact, I wouldn’t be a writer at all. My uncle, while only an active part of my childhood for a year of my elementary school journey, passed away. I was eleven. He was forty.

He was supposed to die at eighteen.197952_1002567381076_3062_n

He was blind, but a genius. He worked as an engineer as an adult, even without being able to see. He had a loving family, who he chose to spend the last year of his life with. He didn’t let his illness or incapacities stop him from achieving his dreams. When he died, I took on that mantra. The night of his death, I wrote my first poem that wasn’t a school assignment. My mother read it – all three pages – and told me I should be a writer.

Almost twelve years later, I have published a novel – dedicated to him, as you’ll see if you picked it up on Amazon -, finished almost ten manuscripts, graduated college a semester early, got an amazing job three months after graduating, and have big plans for the next several years in the career that his death inspired me to take on. I learned to look at the life he had on this earth, not the fact he was gone. Because, I guess, he’s living on inside of me, pushing me to keep going when things get tough.

So, to 2016, I am going to keep pushing forward. No matter what you might throw at me, I will look at my book, my manuscripts, or that poem I wrote twelve years ago – which my mother has made hundreds of copies of throughout the years – and remember why I’m doing this.

Twenty-sixteen:

Bring.

It.

On.

Social Media From a Dummy

Dear Diary, Ramblings, Writing, Writing Process, , , , , , , , , ,

(This is in honor of the release of Social Media For Writers, a self-help book by Tee Morris and Pip Ballantine, now available on Amazon (click title above for hyperlink)(cover to the left)

Social Media hurts my head. Most of the functions are easy, and, if you don’t understand them, a plethora of resources are at your fingertips. Easy enough, right?

For me?

No.

It’s not due to the difficulty level; I understand how most work just fine. It’s on a more personal level. I’m the type of person who cares too much about what people think of me. When contemplating a response, if there is even the slightest chance someone might not like it, I usually don’t do it. It’s because of this that I seem antisocial or shy most of the time. I spend too much time debating on the perfect response, only for everybody to have moved on to something else.

I need to change that.

Just because I may seem weird, off, or offensive during one second doesn’t mean the seconds after will remain the same. Now, that doesn’t mean blurting out the first thing that comes to mind. Experience has proven to a multitude of people that that strategy fails quite frequently. But, the truth it, I shouldn’t be afraid to be myself.

As of today, I am going to make an effort to put myself out there more. This includes social media. I’ve had a Twitter account for a while, but rarely tweeted. I’ve had this blog/website for two years, and rarely posted. My LinkedIn hasn’t been touched in almost a year, while my Tumblr hasn’t been used in so long that I can’t even remember what my username is. (Note: Tumblr is one of the few that confuse me.) And, while my personal Facebook thrives, my author page has sat on lockdown for months.

NO MORE!!!

I will make my author page on Facebook live sometime tonight. This blog post marks the second in 24 hours. Twitter will be picking up speed in the next week or two (you know, hopefully). LinkedIn and Tumblr will probably stay static for a few more months until I get the hang of this whole “Be-Yourself” strategy.

Below are the links and details to my various social media accounts. I am including this website, just in case someone can’t read the URL box above.

***FYI- BIG NEWS: COMING SOON***

Website/Blog: http://terraravikos.com

Twitter/Periscope: @discoverywritin

FB Author Page

Email: terraravikos@gmail.com

E-Newsletter Sign-Up Form

I am also looking for people that might want to host me on their own blogs sometime in the December/January time frame, after I’ve announced my “Big News”. If you might be interested, shoot me an email or contact me through my FB page or Twitter handle.

Until later, Keep Faith, everyone!

Journey of Legends: The 2015 MoPO Kickstarts

Career, Out in the World, Ramblings, Writing, Writing Process, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

WOW! What a month it’s been!

Wait…. You say I haven’t posted in over a month? How long? About six months? Yikes. Sorry about that, readers. I have no other excuse for that other than big plans for the future have taken up most of my time. That, and the day job, and having to take on the responsibilities of an adult. (Why must I adult? Can I not adult today? No? Okay then.)

Those big plans will have an announcement of their own in the near future, once details have been finalized. But, I guarantee you, they are BIG. At least for me. 🙂 I’m planning on writing on here more frequently, but don’t hold me to it. I may have a sprained wrist from all the typing I’ll be doing soon.

The AMAZING journalists

Anyway, this post isn’t about me. It’s about two writers, with a hope, a dream, and a Kickstarter. These two writers are Tee Morris and Pip Ballantine. They are not only my friends and mentors, but also my role models and idols. (Lucky me, huh?) They initiated a Kickstarter in the hopes of self-publishing book 5 in their popular Ministry of Peculiar Occurrences series, titled The Ghost Rebellion. While I have loved their writing pre-Ministry, the MoPO series has always had a close place in my heart. I love the characters (the main characters are my favorites. Wellington, because I think he’s cute when he’s nervous. and Eliza, because she’s a fiery loose cannon who doesn’t care what others think [a trait I wish I had]. Just my opinion though), I love the intricate plots, and I love the firepower (explosions, gun fights, advanced cars that certain characters underestimate at first *coughcough*Eliza*coughcough*). The storylines are so well written and had me hooked during that first scene in Phoenix Rising, with my chills mirroring the ones the characters were having in that cold tundra.

Their Kickstarter was mainly made with the just the 5th book as their main goal. They had stretch goals that included special models for covers, publishing the SIXTH book, AND a deviously inappropriate novella entitled Countless Hues of Crimson, which has connections to the main series, but I am sworn to secrecy as to the details (Not really; I only know how it connects, and pretty much anyone connected to MoPO knows that). I told them from Day One: “You will make it to that last goal. I don’t doubt it for a second.”

They said: “We’ll see.”

Anyway, the Kickstarter started out strong. They had bursts here and there, with some weekends gaining upwards of a couple grand between Fridays to Sundays. They actually reached their initial $6000 goal, which ensured the publication of The Ghost Rebellion.

I said: “See? You got that far that quick! I am positive you’ll reach that last goal!”

Them: “We’re going to be cautiously excited. You can be overly excited for us.”

As the Kickstarter progressed, they reached their first Stretch goal, to get specific cover models for TGR, very soon after.

Me: “I KNOW for a FACT you will get that ultimate end goal.”

Them: “We might, but we’re not going to get too excited. I looks like it may be a possibility though.”

Last Sunday, they reached their next stretch goal, which, my friends, was to be able to publish the SIXTH and FINAL book in the MoPO series, OPERATION: ENDGAME!!! It wasn’t until then that the Ministry ‘journalists’ started getting excited. Via Periscope, they uncorked champagne, made a fire pit, and lamented the lack of marshmallows. They started talking about Countless Hues of Crimson, with vague, interest-peaking details coming to light. That goal would become reality at $20,000, a full 5 Grand from their Operation: Endgame goal.

Me: “You still have a week for that last goal. I know you’ll get there. 100% positive!!”

Them: “Operation: Endgame is a definite. We don’t know if we’ll get to CHoC, but at least we have that. It’s definitely a nail-biter though.”

……

Can you imagine my eyeroll of disbelief? I have told them for YEARS how big the Ministry was. You’d think they’d know by now, but they still doubted their abilities to write an unbelievable story full of twists, turns, and the adventures of two unlikely agents. Remember, I told them from DAY ONE that they had enough support that they could do this and THEY STILL DOUBTED!!

Guess what?

Yesterday afternoon, I get a chat message from Tee:

“And $20k.”

“And 5 hours to go.”

“You told me so.”

Followed by an appropriate GIF.

I have not let him forget it in the last 24 hours. It’s actually kinda fun, and though I know it annoys him, I do it for a reason. I want him to remember this amazing, unbelievable victory whenever he doubts his writing. I want him to remember earning over 21k in 30 days using nothing but the power of the MoPO fans and the epicness that is the internet and social media.

As Lucian would tell him, “Keep Faith.” All he has to do is keep faith and know that what he does has made a difference in not only his life, but has made an impact in the lives of many others, as seen by the results of this journey.

It’s been a wild ride, and it’s only going to get wilder.

To Eliza and Wellington, I can’t wait to see the end of this adventure.

To Tee and Pip, congrats on such a sweet-tasting victory.

Oh, and  I told you so. 😉

MoPO 2015 Kickstarter Victory v3

Optimistic Heart

Dear Diary, Ramblings, Writing, Writing Process, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

131007-093034I’ve been thinking about lots of stuff lately. Between work picking up pace, my friends and sister getting ready to graduate, and a death in the extended family, I’ve decided to reevaluate my life.

My life as a new author has been rough. I’ve been monitoring my sales page, which has been very depressing for the past few months. It made me wonder if I made a bad decision in self-publishing this novel. I’ve also thought about sending copies to review bloggers, but my mind does something to me every time I debate about an action.

Imagining the Worst Case Scenario.

I read some of these bloggers’ submission details, and when it says they post their reviews everywhere, both positive and negative ones, all I can think is, “What if it’s negative? What if my writing isn’t as decent as I had hoped? What if I get a bad review, and that scares others from even giving my novel a chance? That could ruin my shot at getting bigger…”

I have this OCD trait where I want everybody to like me. It doesn’t matter if I see or talk to someone for a few seconds in my entire life; I want that person to like me for those few seconds. It’s become such a paralyzing problem, because then I second-guess my thoughts. I walk on eggshells, trying to ensure that each person I meet or interact with doesn’t have negative thoughts about me and my behaviors and mental/emotional state.

TheProtektorsReality_400x640_115dpiThe thing I’ve come to realize recently, is that you can’t please everyone. You will always have haters, especially if you put your work out for the world to see. It comes with the job, and it’s something I’ve struggled with since Day 1.

I need to refocus on my dream, what I want, and how to get there, and not focus on the negativity that my mind creates for me. Being a pessimist has always come easy, the true challenge is getting past that. Despite the scenarios my imagination creates to scare me, I have always been optimistic about my dreams. I have always hoped to be partially-successful as an author. I always hoped I would sell tons of copies of my books, to prove to myself that I’m a good writer and that others enjoy the stories I have created.

The following lyrics are from a song that was released only a few days ago, by an AMAZING Youtuber named Tyler Ward. It’s an original song he wrote (and he had another video showing him going through the songwriting process for this very song), and it was perfect for what I had been thinking about for the week prior.

“So I’ll blame it on my Optimistic Heart,

At least I’ll have stories for my scars,

American Dream my life away,

When all of my dreams cry, “MAYDAY, MAYDAY!”,

I may lose my heart,

But one day I’ll be a star.”

So, for the others of you out there that have regret your decisions or lose faith in your dreams, “Try not to care what others think,” and have an Optimistic heart. Just keep trying. You’ll get there someday.

Good luck, Dreamers. “One day, [you’ll] be a star.”

 

Ten Years of Family: Ravencon 2015

Dear Diary, Out in the World, Ramblings, Writing, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I’m drained.

And no, not in a bad way.

This past weekend was Ravencon 2015 close to my home. This con is near and dear to my heart, as it was because of it that my goals and perspective on my writing life changed.

April 2008:

Stuck in a rut. Haven’t written anything for weeks, and not because I didn’t have time. Think major migraine + achy muscles + searing pain in my heart like someone stabbed me, but ten million times worse. I had never had as much difficulty writing as I had then, and I don’t think I’ve hit a Writer’s Block that hard since. I caught a glimpse of a flyer on a school bulletin board. It talked of authors, artists, and scientists talking during all lunches. Thinking I had nothing to lose, I decided to go, only expecting a few pointless pointers and tips, probably things I already tried.

Boy, was I wrong.

And it was because of one guy.

Tee Morris.

Tee was a school alum, and came almost every year to promote this “Ravencon” event, whatever that was. As of now, I can’t remember exactly what he said and told me one-on-one, and I don’t even think he remembers. What I do remember is going back to class (late, as I stayed past my lunch to talk to him), opening my notebook, and cranking out what would eventually be recorded on my computer as 1,200 words. In one day. Needless to say, he pulled me out of my rut that day, and that’s when my writing “hobby” became what I eventually wanted to be a writing “career”.

April 2009:

I waited anxiously for Tee to show up and talk to my class that Spring, as he did every year, because that teacher also taught him. Never happened. I even went to Ravencon (my first trip), and couldn’t find him.

April 2010:

No sign of the elusive Morris, at school or con. Seems to have dropped off the radar.

September 2010:

On a suggestion from my coordinator, I reached out to him, in the hopes that I could convince him that we weren’t quarantined and the building was still standing. Imagine my happiness when he replied by telling me that he was coming back for Ravencon in the Spring. I spent the rest of the time until the con working as a go-between for Tee and my school’s library.

April 2011:

The Friday of the con, I spent the entire day in the library with literary masters. Thank you to all my teachers who let me skip class (it was senior teach day, so don’t panic, no one else was in classes either)

And then that weekend, three of my friends and I got to be on a panel, called Voices of Tomorrow. It was pretty much a panel where Young Adults talk about their interests in the literary world. Tee (of course) moderated, and it was my first experience on a panel. You’ll see why that experience *might* help me later.

The next three years (2012, 2013, 2014), I went every year, spending time with Tee, his (now) wife Pip, and so many other writers until my heart exploded.

This year?

Ravencon lost a important and loved member of its community. While I never got to meet John, I could see him through those that did. The love and care and compassion, the excitement and laughter and joy, the camaraderie and friendships and relationships. John must have been a pretty amazing guy to have brought all these people together, and a great, fun, wacky group of people to boot. And I saw his spirit in those around me, and I have never felt so close to so many people in such a short amount of time.

Add onto that fun and closeness with me actually *attempting* to be social. I introduced myself to a few people, including the Con Chair. When Tee followed up the introduction, he says, “Yeah, she’s gotta be a guest next year.”

…….

My heart literally stopped.

I mean, he’s mentioned it in the past, but now that I have a physical book, it’s an entire possibility.

AN ENTIRE. POSSIBILITY.

Milestone, baby.

AND THAT’S why I needed panel experience.

While I’m not going to guarantee that will happen, I’m reeeeeeally hoping it might.

Tee, make it happen.

You know, please?? 😀

WB vs. L.O.I.: Post-Writeathon Blues

Advice, Fiction, Ramblings, Writing, Writing Process, , , , , , , , , ,

So, for once, two blog postings in a week. This should make up for forgetting February, right?

Anyway, this post is one that is rough for me to admit, but I feel that people could relate to it, so why the heck not, huh? I mean, if that retreat taught me anything, it’s that finding other writers who have faced similar situations is an eye-opener, and they can give advice for the troubles you might be having, because they might have gone through them themselves.

This week, my struggle is my inspiration. It’s gone on vacation. For who knows how long. I spent a straight 7 days writing about 8 hours a day, with breaks for lunch and just because I need to step away. So, about 6 hours a day, I was either brainstorming or writing. And now I have 28,000 words for my third book in my most recent series.

The problem with that?

When I got home, my inspiration said, “Adios. Sayonara. Goodbye. I’ll be back whenever.”

I had lost all inspiration to work on finishing it. Maybe it was the draining from writing that much in that short amount of time. Maybe I missed my new friends and the snippets we would share before dinner. Maybe I’d laughed too much over the course of that retreat, and it gave me brain damage. In any case, I have not been able to get a coherent chapter out of my head for days. And it’s frustrating! Because, only about a month or two ago did I know how my series would end. And the ending is AMAZING! (Well, in my mind anyway. The rest of you will be sobbing and sending threatening letters for me to write another book to make things better).

The point is, losing your inspiration can be a scary, frustrating thing. I’ve had plenty of times when I had writer’s block, but what I’ve come to realize is that Writer’s Block and Loss of Inspiration are two separate conditions.

Writer’s Block, despite the usage some people use, is when you can’t generate any ideas for projects you’re working on, which causes frustration because you had hoped it would amount to something. Loss of Inspiration takes from the (wrong) public usage and capitalizes on it. I see it as you know EXACTLY what you want to write, EXACTLY which characters it involves, and EXACTLY how it ends, but can’t, for your life, get the words down on paper/computer. Some symptoms of both of these would be:

– frustration;

– not being able to sit still for extended lengths of time;

– spending TOO much time on Netflix, browsing episodes of Friends, Supernatural, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., or various, addictive anime shows;

– Talking/Rambling a lot, much to the annoyance of your family and friends.

However, a MAJOR effect of L.O.I. is one that isn’t that prominent in WB:

– Dreaming.

Being a writer is all about being an imaginative dreamer, right? Our stories are a part of us, every character has a piece of us in their looks, personality, attitude, quirks, or flaws. Each setting, plot bunny, character, world system – each and every word we have written since we wanted to be a writer – came from us. When you have WB, it restricts that dreaming ability, because we can’t seem to figure out what to write next. However, the opposite is just a frustrating to those with L.O.I.

They dream more than usual. You’d think this was a good thing, but think about it for a second. Being able to dream up every chapter, every plot point, every character development moment, but not being able to utilize it in story format? For me, that’s torture. It’s the most frustrating condition ever to have, and believe me, I know, because I’m going through it right now.

The downside? Every writer can get both of these issues at any time in their writing career. It will happen without notice, warning, or time to prepare, and when you least expect it. There’s a good thing to remember though.

There’s always a light at the end of a tunnel. You will get through it, and one day soon, you’ll be scribbling/typing at the speed of light. Just remind yourself of what you want, and remember that it will be worth it.

Yeah, having your own book in your hands, whether digital or print?

Yes, it’s ALWAYS worth the trouble.

Guess I gotta remember that myself, huh? 😉

-Insert Obligatory New Year Post Here-

Out in the World, Ramblings, Writing, Writing Process, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

So, running a little behind on my New Years post. Here we are, five days into 2015, and I’m running the past year’s events through my head. I was Phi Beta Lambda’s (last minute) Relay for Life captain, and raised over $1,000 in the month I was in charge. I got to travel to Nashville, TN and win fourth place in the nation in a Project Management competition. My grandmother got married to an amazing guy. And… I PUBLISHED MY FIRST BOOK! These are the ones that stuck out to me, but there were many other good memories that were made this past year.

However, 2015 is sort of a clean slate. I have 360 days left to do whatever I so desire (within reason). So many options, and a decent amount of time. I was considering making some New Years Resolutions, to keep me on track. However, I saw a statistic that said that a good chunk of people drop their resolutions within the first month or so. I actually know this from experience.

So, what else should I do? I want to have goals and changes in my life, right? So, I’m proposing a new New Years tradition: New Years Objectives. You are all welcome to join me. The premise behind this is make a list, like you would with the Resolutions, but they’re just GOALS, meaning you can move between them should time constrain you. If you want a hiatus from your Objectives, feel free. The idea is that you TRY to reach these goals by year’s end, whether you take breaks from them or not. This way, you don’t feel like having to commit to it all year, then be disappointed when it doesn’t last past February.

My list?

– Edit 2 books

-Query a TON of agents

-Work on one or two of my WIPs, and attempt to finish one.

-Get a new job [Just graduated almost a month ago from college 🙂 ]TheProtektorsReality_400x640_115dpi

-Network, Network, Network

-Promote my new book, The Protektor’s Reality (in print and ebook versions; if you want a summary, either click the link or look on the My Works tab above)

With these Objectives in mind, I will plunge into the unknown 360 days left. Now, it’s time to look toward the future.

2015, BRING IT ON!!