Optimistic Heart

131007-093034I’ve been thinking about lots of stuff lately. Between work picking up pace, my friends and sister getting ready to graduate, and a death in the extended family, I’ve decided to reevaluate my life.

My life as a new author has been rough. I’ve been monitoring my sales page, which has been very depressing for the past few months. It made me wonder if I made a bad decision in self-publishing this novel. I’ve also thought about sending copies to review bloggers, but my mind does something to me every time I debate about an action.

Imagining the Worst Case Scenario.

I read some of these bloggers’ submission details, and when it says they post their reviews everywhere, both positive and negative ones, all I can think is, “What if it’s negative? What if my writing isn’t as decent as I had hoped? What if I get a bad review, and that scares others from even giving my novel a chance? That could ruin my shot at getting bigger…”

I have this OCD trait where I want everybody to like me. It doesn’t matter if I see or talk to someone for a few seconds in my entire life; I want that person to like me for those few seconds. It’s become such a paralyzing problem, because then I second-guess my thoughts. I walk on eggshells, trying to ensure that each person I meet or interact with doesn’t have negative thoughts about me and my behaviors and mental/emotional state.

TheProtektorsReality_400x640_115dpiThe thing I’ve come to realize recently, is that you can’t please everyone. You will always have haters, especially if you put your work out for the world to see. It comes with the job, and it’s something I’ve struggled with since Day 1.

I need to refocus on my dream, what I want, and how to get there, and not focus on the negativity that my mind creates for me. Being a pessimist has always come easy, the true challenge is getting past that. Despite the scenarios my imagination creates to scare me, I have always been optimistic about my dreams. I have always hoped to be partially-successful as an author. I always hoped I would sell tons of copies of my books, to prove to myself that I’m a good writer and that others enjoy the stories I have created.

The following lyrics are from a song that was released only a few days ago, by an AMAZING Youtuber named Tyler Ward. It’s an original song he wrote (and he had another video showing him going through the songwriting process for this very song), and it was perfect for what I had been thinking about for the week prior.

“So I’ll blame it on my Optimistic Heart,

At least I’ll have stories for my scars,

American Dream my life away,

When all of my dreams cry, “MAYDAY, MAYDAY!”,

I may lose my heart,

But one day I’ll be a star.”

So, for the others of you out there that have regret your decisions or lose faith in your dreams, “Try not to care what others think,” and have an Optimistic heart. Just keep trying. You’ll get there someday.

Good luck, Dreamers. “One day, [you’ll] be a star.”

 

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